Bleach Drabbles
by Justagirlcalledbob
Summary: A bunch of random Bleach drabbles, featuring everybody! Plus a few original characters.mmm. DRABBLICIOUS. Rated m for swearing and minor content.
1. 1: I TOLD YOU SO

_Bleach Drabbles_

_Title: Ya know, I told you so, just don't cut it._

_Characters: oc, Aizen, and shiginami_

_Spoilers: For soul society arc_

_Summery: Ikatsui Karite was happy to see him go._

_Word count: 216_

_Dedicated to: my good friend Mai. I MISSS YOOOOUUU._

* * *

**Ikatsui Karite of the 11th Division was smug. Why?**

Ikatsui Karite was one of the few shiginami that was happy to see Aizen, Gin, and Tousen go. Why? Simple. Ever since she had graduated from the academy, and become one of the 13 Court guards, she did NOT trust the three in question. She was always muttering about how cold Aizen's eyes were, how cruel Ichimaru's smile was, and how distant Tousen was.

Her two friends, Komayaka Akkan and Hentekorin Shinzui didn't believe her suspicions.

Nobody did, except Urahara Kisuke, the captain of the 12th division. The two were close, and Karite was devastated when he fled with Yoruichi. The years passed, and Karite grew to despise Aizen. Her hatred of him was phenomenal. Everyone knew about it, and thought her crazy.

So when the three traitors finally disappeared into the sky, one Ikatsui turned to the captains and vice captains, a smug look on her face.

"See? I fuckin told you so." Was her only remark, before exiting the scene, bouncing away.

* * *

Nyahahaha. More to come! Expect more of Karite, Shinzui, and Akkan. 


	2. 2: Those cold, cold eyes

**Bleach Drabbles**

Title: Those cold, cold eyes.

Characters: OC and Aizen

Spoilers: soul society arc

Summery: Ikatsui Karite Hates Aizen

Warning: implied Rape.

Word count: 271

Dedicated to: ….My reviewers! The nice ones, I mean.

* * *

**Ikatsui Karite hates Sosuke Aizen.**

Everyone knows she does. No body knows why. Some say that she's insane, hating a sweet like that. Some think that Aizen wronged her in some way. Hinamori Momo hates the girl, with her rough manner of speech, and piercing emerald eyes.

Strangely enough, Aizen does not hate Karite back. It seems to be the exact opposite. He always speaks kindly to her, and wears a warm smile in her presence. Kyoraku Shunsui has been heard to jokingly remark that the man's got a case of puppy love. Ikatsui's captain, Kenpachi Zaraki, has only one answer to Kyoraku's statement.

"If he touches her, he fuckin' dies." He's been heard to growl. Which is understandable, Ikatsui is somewhat of another daughter to the monstrous man. What with her love of fighting and battle.

No one has guessed the truth.

And Ikatsui Karite is going to make sure it stays that way. She doesn't want anyone to know about that horrid night that caused her to lose all trust in men. She doesn't want anyone to know how every now and then, she'll stare at her reflection with disgust. She doesn't want anyone to know about how many times she has woken up screaming, dreaming of cold, cold eyes, and cruel whispers in her ear.

No one will know the truth.

No one will ever know of the night that Sosuke Aizen raped Ikatsui Karite.

* * *


	3. 3: Uncanny resemblance

**Bleach Drabbles**

Title: Uncanny Resemblance

Characters: OC and Shunsui

Spoilers: none that I can spot.

Summery: They say Hentekorin Shinzui and Kyoraku Shunsui are exactly alike.

Word count: 198

Dedicated to: CapslockBleach at Live journal. THOSE PEEPS ARE HILARIOUS!

Disclaimer: I own nothing except the ocs.

**_-THISISALINETHISISANLINETHISISALINE-_**

Everyone said that Hentekorin Shinzui and Kyoraku Shunsui were exactly alike, they looked alike, and that the two loved it. The two would always vehemently deny if asked. Shunsui would huff in irritation, and storm off to get drunk, while Shinzui would attempt to fillet the one who asked. There are many differences between them.

For example, Shunsui has brown hair and brown eyes, while Shinzui has black hair and blue eyes.

Shunsui has his hair long, while Shinzui keeps it semi short.

Shunsui is overly affectionate and dramatic, while Shinzui is insanely violent and goofy.

Shunsui prefers to avoid conflict, while Shinzui actively seeks it out.

They are similar in a few ways, at least.

They both have at least two very close friends that they would protect with their life.

They both claim in be in love with someone.

But mostly, their biggest similarity is the fact that they both would die to protect the ones they love.

**_-THISISALINETHISISANLINETHISISALINE-_**


	4. 4: Obsession

**Bleach Drabbles**

Title: Obsession

Characters: OCs slight mentions of other chars.

Spoilers: none.

Summery: They each had their own obsession

Word count: 371

Dedicated to: My dad, my fellow music lover!

Disclaimer: I own only the ocs, i don't own Carmeldansen, that's Supergotts, and i certainly don't own Bleach.

* * *

Ikatsui Karite, Hentekorin Shinzui, and Komayaka Akkan had many similarities. But one of the most obvious is the fact that they each have their own obsession.

* * *

For example, Akkan has an obsession with weapons. Not a day goes by that the man doesn't find a new weapon to add to his collection. He has a huge dojo at his home where he keeps them. The walls are pretty much lined with weapons of all sorts. 

His personal favorite weapon is the Scythe. Both Shinzui and Karite have been known to remark on the irony that Akkan is a Death god, and his favorite weapon is a scythe. Soi Fon has been known to visit his home if she ever runs out of shruiken.

* * *

Hentekorin Shinzui's obsession is with dragons. The walls of his home are literally covered with any sort of poster, sticker, or piece of art that has to do with dragons. The man practically squealed when his zanpakuto's spirit revealed itself to be a HUGE dragon of fire.

More then once, he'll be spotted at the 10th division, babbling away happily to an annoyed Hitsuguya. Both Akkan and Karite find great amusement in watching Hitsuguya snap, and chase Shinzui out of his division.

* * *

Karite's obsession is with music. She completely loves singing along to certain songs, and bursting into song randomly. Many a time you'll find her singing while fighting a hollow. Karite's even given each captain a theme song, that'll she hum while in the presence of said captain.

This never ceases to annoy Byakuya, Mayuri, and Soi Fon. When Karite found about Mp3 players, she immediately annoyed the hell out of Mayuri to make own for her. Which he did, after being forced to listen to her singing the song 'CarmelDansen' in a squeaky tone of voice for 72 hours. Many a 12th division shiginami are still in therapy for trauma from that event.

* * *

While their obsessions may seem odd to the other Shiginami, they figure it's better then the trio annoying the living hell out the thirteen court guards.

* * *


	5. 5: GLOMP!

**Bleach Drabbles**

Title: GLOMP

Characters: OCs slight mentions of other chars.

Spoilers: none.

Summery: When it comes to Karite, everyone's a bit glomp-happy.

Word count: 210

Dedicated to: whoever created Glomping

Warning: Swearing to the extreme. Caused by who, you ask? Karite. Duh.

Disclaimer: I NO OWNY BLEACH, COMPREHENDE?

* * *

Karite's short stature, forever-present scowl, and deceiving appearance of fragility have a strange power over many a Shiginami. Many times a day, the air will ring out with Karite's curses and shrieks, as yet another [often random Shiginami glomps her.

For example, here are a few common cries that are practically heard everyday.

"GOD DAMN IT KYORAKU-TACHIOU GET THE FUCK OFFA ME!"

"AAAARRGGHHHHH! MOTHA FUCKING SON OF A BITCH! GET YOUR FREAKIN BOOBS OUTTA MY FACE MASUMOTO!"

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHH! WHY, SHINZUI, WHHHHYYY?"

"WAAAAAAAHHHHH! CURSE YOU YACHIRU! I HAVE NO CANDY, DAMMNIT!"

"NOOOOO! GET AWAY! GETAWAYGETAWAYGETAWAY! DAMN YOU ICHIMARU-TACHIOU!"

"THAT'S IT! THE NEXT PERSON WHO EVEN THINKS ABOUT TOUCHING ME IS GONNA WIND UP TEACHING THEIR MOTHER TO SUCK BUNIONS IN HELL!"

Komayaka Akkan has been noted to say only one thing on the subject of what actually started the random glomp-attacks upon his best friend.

"Well, DUH. Who do you think started them on it? Obviously, I did. It's hella amusing…….She's gonna kill me when she finds out though….Heh. Teaches her to mess with my weapons…"

* * *

Next theme: Swearing


	6. 6: YOU NO GOOD BLEEP aka, Swearing

**Bleach Drabbles**

Title: Swearing

Characters: Byakuya, Renji, Rukia, OCS.

Spoilers: none.

Summery: Byakuya has a secret talent.

Word count: 546

Dedicated to: The creator of the fic "The Nine" [an AWESOME Naruto fic

Warning: May cause your brain to implode from vulgarity and overdose of WTF/crack.

Disclaimer: I don't own bleach. If I did, every hot guy would be screwin' Ichigo.

* * *

Karite was bored. So she decided to bother Byakuya.

Shinzui was also very bored. So he decided to join Karite.

Akkan was probably the most bored of the three, although he only tagged along to watch the inevitable fireworks.

"OHAYO KUCHKI-CUNTHEAD!" Karite greeted crudely, grinning a non-too-sane grin.

"WASSUP RENJI! You owe me monah, biotch!" Shinzui hollered, delivering a round-house kick to said tattooed fukatachiou's head. Renji, of course, couldn't afford to look weak in front of Rukia and Byakuya, so after recovering from said roundhouse kick, he tackled Shinzui, resulting in a minor brawl.

Akkan remained silent, only bowing his head to Rukia and Byakuya.

"Cease your infernal habit of insulting my being whenever you greet me, Ikatsui," Byakuya stated coldly, glaring at said fiery redhead. "It is most unlady-like and pathetic."

Karite, having consumed a whole angel food cake for breakfast, misinterpreted his statement as an insult to her swearing skills.

"Why, ya cock-sucking shithead? Ya think you can out-fucking-swear me?" She challenged, getting right up in the noble's face, and actually having the guts to _**smirk**_ at him. 

Byakuya's eye twitched and his reiatsu fluctuated, causing Renji, Rukia, Shinzui, and Akkan to step back. 

"Fine, you impudent lil peasant!" He snapped, taking in a deep breath, before unleashing the scaryest and most vulgar tongue-lashing ever to exist in all of space and time.

"YOUR MOTHER IS A-(bleep bleep bleepity bleepbleep bloop censor censor)-ING-(Bleeeeeeeeep bleeep random nosies car honk whistles whistle HONK HOnk)-LORA MIERSON-(censoreeeeeed more random covering up noises)-STU RENDAN-(bleepbleep blink carhorn honks again train rushes by conveniant horn sounds)-TRAGULA-(beep beep beeeeeeeeeeeeep bleep censor baby crying gunshot street racing car)-HIPPOPATUMUS-(lots of birds cheep loudly for five minutes straight then are ravaged by growling cougar)-REPUBLICAN-(a large white whale falls out of sky and makes large boom Krakatoa explodes again leaving us deaf for a full thirty seconds)-KING CHUCK NORRIS-(a gong sounds in distance make everyone shiver down tot heir toes)-WITH A BUCKET OF-(nails on blackboard with a angry, wet cat that has not been clipped for months)-In a castle far, far away, where NO ONE CAN HEAR YOU-(a entourage of chanting monks passes by, taking their own sweet time about it)-SOUP-(a group of chattering cannibals start eating each other without proper table manners)-IN A TUB OF BUTTER-(the Big Friendly Giant passes by with tap shoes on)-MICKEY MOUSE-(The kyuubi breaks free and does disco with the Shinigami)-WITH A STICK OF DYNAMITE-(Kami declares that all beings except the ones listening must have a emergency choir practice with large symbbols)-KIDO-(Finally everthing grinds to a halt and Chuck Norris and all the other godly beings restore order)-BITCH!"

Insert a loud record scratch here as every single Shiginami in the vicinity stopped, dropped whatever they were holding, and stared at the panting noble.

Rukia could only gape at her brother, along with Akkan, Renji, and Shinzui.

Karite's eyes were wide with awe, as she threw her self to the ground and bowed before Byakuya.

"PLEASE MAKE ME YOUR APPRENTICE KUCHKI-SAMA!"

* * *

Next theme: Too much INTERNETZ.


	7. 7: THE INTERNET IS FER LULZ

**Bleach Drabbles**

Title: THE INTERNETZ ARE FOR LULZ

Characters: OCs and others

Spoilers: none.

Summery: Everyone regrets the day Mayuri introduced the Internet to the Terrible Trio

Word count: 304

Dedicated to: 'THIS. IS. SPARTAA!', IT'S OVER 9000, and SHOOP DA WOOP.

Warning: CRACK-A-LACKY!

Disclaimer: BLEACH NOT MINE.

* * *

Every single Shiginami regretted the day that Mayuri introduced the internet to the Terrible Trio. [aka, Akkan, Karite, and Shinzui

Why, you ask?

Because Ikatsui Karite, Komyaka Akkan, and Hentekorin Shinzui had only gotten 10 levels weirder for it.

Commonly heard from the three nowadays are examples such as follows:

"LULZ I PWNED J00R ASS! PH34R M4H M4D $K!LLZ." [Shinzui

"SHOOP DA MOTHERFUCKIN' WOOP!" [Karite

"IMMA FIRIN MAH LAZORZ! BWAAAAAAHHHHH!" [Akkan

Such strange remarks were heard daily from the three, succeeding in confusing the trio's captains, Kenpachi, Ukitake, and Soifon. [Though the ninja never admitted it

And it seemed, their madness was spreading.

"Hey Rukia?" Shinzui would ask his friend, in an innocent tone.

"Yes Shinzui-san?" Rukia would reply, equally innocent.

"What does the scouter say about Byakuya's power level?" 

"IT'S OVER NINE 9000!"

"WHAT! NINE THOUSAND!" And then the pair would laugh hysterically, succeeding in both irritating and confusing the poor Kuchki elder.

Another example was this:

"Zaraki-Tachiou!" Karite would cry, running over to her captain.

"What do ya want Karite?" Zaraki would grumble somewhat fondly, eyeing the insane girl.

"This is madness!"

"This is madness?"

"Madness?_**THIS.IS.SPARTAAAAAAA!**_" And then Karite would kick him in the stomach, before running away whilst cackling madly. Leaving Kenpachi confused, annoyed, and in need of an asprin.

Overall, exposure to the insanity known as the Internet had caused the Trio to become even more mischievious, insane, and prank-happy.

Mayuri was banned from the Annual Free Muffin day party for his sins.

Which angered him greatly, because Mayuri did love him some muffins.

* * *

Next Theme: Red Versus Blue.


	8. 8:Random Chapter is Random

**Bleach Drabbles**

Title: Random chapter is random.

Characters: OCs and others

Spoilers: Slight spoilers for the Arancarr arc.

Summery: Random moments in the life of the trio. And the Introduction of a new character.

Word count:1003

Dedicated to: Crack writers everywhere

Warning: CRACK-A-LACKY!

Disclaimer: BLEACH NOT MINE.. HAPPY NAO?

* * *

The trio had just returned from a short vacation with Shuuhei, Renji, Rukia, Momo, and Izuru.

During the trip, while at the beach, Renji had somehow tripped and knocked himself out after seeing Karite in a bikini for the first time.

"Hey, check me out," Karite said. She was stomping around wearing what appeared to be Zaraki-tachiou's captain jacket. It looked ridiculously large on her. Rukia turned to Renji.

"This is what you knocked yourself out over?" she asked him.

"I blame his lack of common sense and ignorance of whom he was ogling." Akkan said, smirking when Renji swung at him.

* * *

The Trio are sparring with Iba, Shuuhei, Yumichika, and Renji.

They are discussing what it is like to be bitch-slapped by Zaraki.

"Well," Yumichika said as he dodged an attack from Shuuhei and threw him into the wall. "Have you ever had Akkan smack you in the forehead with a sledgehammer?"

"Not recently, no," Shinzui said. "I don't imagine it would be any fun, though."

"Damn straight!" Akkan yelled while kicking the Renji's legs out from beneath him, dodging a punch from Karite and flipping up to kick Iba in the head.

"According to Ikakku, that's about half as bad it is."

A momentary lull in the action followed.

"Damn," said the Trio, awed.

* * *

The Trio were sent on a mission to kill three Menos Grande.

Later once the Trio had met back up with Renji, Rukia, and Izuru, they went to the 6th division mess hall to eat lunch. Karite looked up from chowing down on her lunch as a strange shiginami she had recently befriended by the name of Skylar Warison sat opposite her. Renji and Akkan shared an 'oh great' look and Shinzui smiled

"So." Karite grinned.

"So." Skylar shot back.

"So." Karite pushed.

"So." Skylar smirked.

"What the..?" Izuru gaped

"Bonding," Shinzui said absently as he gave his meal a predatory look. "They do this alot, you two fortunatly aren't in the same division as Skylar."

"So." Karite giggled.

"So." Skylar said wiggling an eyebrow.

Karite stopped for a second.

"Dude."

"Sweet." Skylar replied, grinning maniacally.

"Dude."

"Sweet.'

"DUDE."

"SWEET."

"DUUDE."

"SWEEEEEEET."

The entire mess Hall was staring at them.

* * *

Akkan had a very long day, and was very tired. He returned to his home, and fell upon his bed, exhausted. At some time Akkan had fallen asleep and was now being woken by something tickling his nose. He swatted it away and rolled over, only to have the same sensation return not only to his nose but to his feet as well. Akkan kicked his feet and pulled them up underneath himself and the buried his head under the pillow. He was determined to stay asleep. Then he felt the covers jerk off his body along with the pillow over his head.

"Rise and shine, sleeping beauty," A man's voice said in Akkan's ear as annoying giggles were heard behind. "Ninja, get up."

"Leave me alone," he mumbled as he curled into the fetal position.

"Akkan, get out of bed. Now," the man voice sounded again but Akkan gave no response. "Ladies, if you would."

"TICKLE! TICKLE! TICKLE! TICKLE! TICKLE!"

"AHAHAHAHAHAHA!"

"TICKLE! TICKLE! TICKLE! TICKLE! TICKLE! TICKLE! TICKLE!"

"AHAHAHAHAHA! ST-STOP IT! HEHEHEHEHAHAHAHA!"

"TICKLE! TICKLE! TICKLE! TICKLE! TICKLE! TICKLE!"

"AHAHAHA! QU-QUI-HIT! HAHA! HEHEHE! EEEEEEEK!"

THUMP!

"OWWWW!"

"Good one, Akkan, you fell out of bed," Skylar laughed as Akkan glared at him, rubbing his sore butt.

"Not funny," he grumbled.

Yachiru and Karite only laughed at him.

* * *

The trio plus Rukia, Renji, Skylar, Masumoto, and Hitsuguya were getting ready for a mission to Karakura town.

"Pack up your clothes," Karite said to Masumoto. "And get ready to buy a lot of raincoats. We konso in the rain there."

Skylar couldn't resist. "Konso-in'' in the rain, just konso-in' in the rain." Karite threw a rock at him and nailed him in the forehead. Akkan shook his head, 'tsk'ing under his breath.

"Lame."

* * *

The Trio plus Skylar, Renji, Rukia, Urahara, and the Karakura crew are in Urahara shoten. Chad looks troubled.

"Weird," Chad said.

"What's weird?" Ichigo asked.

Chad held waved his hands in front of him from his spot on the couch. "It's like there's 4 whole new energies in the room. Usually, it's the seven of us. Me and Orihime on the couch, you, Renji, and Rukia over there and Urahara sort of wandering. Skylar and the others here is acting as a sort of. . . metaphysical counterweight that's really throwing off my perceptions of spatial relations in the area."

There was a long pause, where everybody tried to figure out what the hell Chad had just said.

"Does. . . that actually mean anything, Chad? In English, I mean?" Rukia asked, stunned.

Chad nodded, looking thoughtful. "I'm not used to having 11 people here."

Everybody's eyes lit up in understanding.

* * *

It is the day after Orihime gets kidnapped by Ulquiorra. The trio, Skylar, Ichigo, Rukia, Renji, Urahara, Masumoto, and the others are in the video room, as Ichigo is arguing with Yamamoto.

Suddenly, Kenpachi and Byakuya come through the soul gate thingy.

Shinzui, deciding the group needs cheering up, does something extremely strange. Doing his best impression of a southern lady, Shinzui yelled "Oh, my savior!" then ran up and tackled Byakuya in a huge, showy, and utterly fake hug.

To the surprise of everyone who knew Byakuya, He started laughing along with the rest of the group.

"Laughing?" Shinzui said, incredulously. "Laughing! You're supposed to glare at me and say something like 'That's not funny, Hentekorin.'"

"It was funny," Byakuya said. "So sue me."

* * *

Next theme: ??


	9. 9:Becoming a Quartet

Bleach Drabbles

Bleach Drabbles

**Bleach Drabbles**

Title: Becoming a Quartet.

Characters: OCS

Spoilers: None

Summery: The Trio becomes a Quartet

Word count: 476

Dedicated to: My good pal Alycia

Warning: May be sappy. I have no idea.

Disclaimer: BLEACH NOT MINE.. The Terrible Quartet is!

* * *

Karite, Akkan, and Shinzui had a problem.

Said problem's name was Skylar Warison.

The trio liked Skylar a lot, he had a similar sense of humor, he seemed to be completely insane, and he wasn't that bad on the eyes. He obviously liked them as well, because he got along fantastically with them.

Problem is, Skylar is a dense moron, and could not seem to get the message that they liked him, and wanted him to be the fourth member of their 'BEST-FRIENDS-FOREVA' group.

They had tried being subtle.

* * *

**-Flashback-**

"**Hey Skylar! You wanna hang out?" Karite asked, smiling up at the extremely tall shiginami.**

"**Maybe later." He said absently, running ahead to catch up with some guys from his division.**

"…**Not cool."**

**-End flashback-**

* * *

Subtlety was lost on Skylar.

So they tried being blunt.

* * *

**-Flashback-**

"**Skylar! Join our trio!" Shinzui hollered, glomping said shadow-haired Death God.**

"**No thanks, I wouldn't want to intrude!" Skylar yelped, before running away.**

**Shinzui stared after him.**

"…**What?"**

**-End flashback-**

* * *

The trio was done with standing by idly.

And so, they kidnapped him while he was sleeping and tied him to a chair. When he woke, he stared at them with a scared expression.

"What the fuck's your problem with us, Skylar?" Karite growled unhappily, getting straight to the point. Skylar looked uncomfortable.

"Come on; just tell us why you don't wanna be our friend!" Shinzui pleaded.

Skylar looked confused.

"Friend? I though you guys wanted me to join your threesome…"

The Trio stared at him, gob smacked.

"T-THREESOME?? EWWWW!"

"AAAAAHHH! GROSS! IMAGERY!"

"I CAN'T UNSEE IT! OH GOD!!"

Skylar looked at the trio, confused as to why they were currently assuming the fetal position.

"So you guys aren't having some sort of crazy threesome sex?"

"NO!!" They yelled, looking pained. Karite stepped forward.

"Dude, Akkan and Shinzui are like my brothers! It's nothing like that!!" She wailed unhappily, her eye twitching.

Skylar relaxed.

"Oh good. So you guys are asking me to become your best friend or something?" He asked

"YES! Join us in causing havoc and annoying the hell outta people we don't like!"

"Become our fourth Musketeer!"

"Join the insane side, we have dental!"

Skylar grinned at the trio.

"Consider my answer HELL YES!"

And that night, the Terrible trio became the Apocalypse Quartet.

God have mercy on us all.

* * *

Next Theme: ??

Plus! A picture of Karite, Shinzui, Skylar, and Akkan can be found at on my DA account, which you can get to by going to mah profile and clicking on my homepage :P

Check it out!


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